Expectations

The title of this blog is quite simply just that. Expectations.

I have a few expectations in my life. Just to name a few- I expect each of Taylor's albums to produce something so profound, breathtaking and enchanting that I'm lost for words. Ofcourse she never disappoints. I also expect my cat to feel 9 out of 10 excited to see my face whenever I walk in a room. Again, she fails to disappoint. I expect a Mc Donalds to always cure my heart (not in the physical sense...it will probably be the cause of my death...rebuking) and Woodlands Adventure Park to STILL be the place that causes happiness and joy in my soul. 

But this kind of expectation is something I'm very rapidly and painfully learning as a girl thrown out into a pack of women, men, employment, auditions and 'the real world'.

The type of expectation that eats away at your faith in humanity, but also your faith in individual people. 

Quite honestly, I'm ashamed to say that I get fed up with humans in a lot of situations, and as my dad spends his life telling me that 'life is unfair' I'm beginning to reluctantly nod along with that statement. It really is. But what really causes my blood to boil is how much I WANT and NEED from humanity.

So one day I got all angry about it and then God introduced to me the best bloody quote I've heard all year (and no it isn't a Keep Calm one because I utterly detest any Keep Calm quote) it's this-

"Never feel disappointed in someone who doesn't know your expectations"

How can I feel a sense of disappointment and injustice in a certain individual or situation when my expectations haven't been made clear? 

I mean what did Jesus expect when he spent his life picking up the pieces of every broken person he came across? He expected one thing and one thing only- God's overpowering love and compassion to take over people's hearts. 

If anything that's the main expectation God has for any of us- to introduce humanity to the untameable spirit of Christ. 

And when I think about it thoroughly, God provides us with a few other expectations too- the expectation to pray for everything and anything that crosses our path, to not lie or steal or cheat or dishonour or disrespect. To love and smile and welcome and approach and believe and trust and understand and empathise. 

God so clearly states His expectations throughout time so that we are AWARE and IN PERFECT UNDERSTANDING. 

 

Something wonderfully-humbling happened to me last week through my lack of expectancy...

Last week I stood surrounded by very beautiful, quirky individuals as we fought like wolves to just get noticed at this audition. So it was my turn to go into the panel, as I sheepishly moved my hair behind my ears and readjusted my bra and other items of clothing. I began with my Shakespeare piece- Katherine from Taming of the Shrew (who reminds me of myself in so many ridiculous ways: stroppy, stubborn and opinionated) I reluctantly gave the panel any sort of eye contact in the fear they were A) asleep or B) laughing at me. So thus followed my second monologue and a brief interview in which I responded to a question using the word 'splendid'...pardon? 

I knew I was in for the bitter-sting of a rejection as the shortlist made an appearance. I fearfully elbowed my way through the crowd of thespians to see a blank space where my name should be...

And there it was. 

Alice Goble. 

Recall.

I ran, like I've never ran before, to the toilets in which I phoned my mother in a hysterical panic at the realisation that my expectations were never met...they were created like a beautiful masterpiece to simply knock me off my feet. 

I then took part in the 2nd round, AND then put through to the 3rd round, to finally get myself to the final round (which will commence in March) and through every second of that day I thanked Jesus for being the most loyal, perfect and trustworthy man to ever walk this planet. 

I find that if I don't expect things, I don't feel the consequences. If I turned up to that audition awaiting a recall, how does that make me anymore superior to the other candidates? How does that help my journey as a young woman in Christ? 

So my next (rhetorical) question is this: how can we as a society put all our hopes and vulnerability so carelessly into the hands of people who haven't even earned that responsibility? Let alone the people who HAVE earned it but equally can't always be in full control. We are all flawed human beings at the end of the day. I can't keep expecting things in return.

I'm not talking about asking someone how they are and expecting a response, that would just be damn right rude. I'm talking more about people's friendships, time and feelings. 

The point of this blog is that, no, I don't have the answers for how to prevent disappointment, particularly with expectations standing in the way. But if my bible and my faith have taught me anything it's that my expectations in Jesus will NEVER be left out in the rain, they will always be very VERY clear.

Thank you God for being the one source that can take my expectations and create them into a masterpiece. YOUR masterpiece.