Stars, Starlight and Adolescence

Some of you crazy cats may have noticed something different...no? I'll point it out to you-
I've changed my blog name.

Here is my story...

'Like we're made of starlight' is a lyric from a Taylor song that I love. It's a song about Ethel Kennedy when 'courting' the one and only Robert (Bobby) Kennedy in the late 1940's. The song is based on a photograph of the couple, aged 17 at a party. It's about the excitement of being young and naive and how the world is so new and yet so wonderful.

The song drew me towards my Great Grandmother, a woman I will forever long to meet. Her name was Lorna, which I am honoured to hold as my middle name. Lorna went to RADA, a school I long to study at. And Lorna went on to perform in various west end shows as a young woman. I like to think I carried a big part of her throughout my existence, through my love and passion for the stage. As a little girl I regularly stared at the photo of her and my Grandfather (who too was a west end actor) and hoped that one day I'd dream dreams as magical as hers.
When starting my blog, I felt like the lyric 'like we're made of starlight' summed up my heart. I was starting my auditions and planning a whole future for myself with such a wonderful, fearful and magical unknown plan. It's that idea that when you're at a certain age, right at the peak of your adulthood, everything contains such a sense of belonging. The endless possibilities of careers, relationships, whatever life throws at you. I find that enthralling, especially when I was at the end of my a levels and ready to step in to the unknown.
Now that still excites me, but almost a year on I'm starting to approach life a little differently.

'You're always holding on to stars'

Whilst driving down a very unsafe road, watching stray dogs run out in front of cars, and donkeys and carts being pulled in the opposite direction, that line was swirling in my head. I'm of course talking about my recent trip to Moldova.
Nathaniel Ruess is a very clever, clever man. Since seeing the band Fun earlier this year, a deep love for their music has blossomed inside my heart. They're the sort of band that get it. Everything you feel, through their ridiculous amounts of harmonies, auto tuning, and amazing sounds of drums, violins and trumpets throughout each record, it captures parts of you that need lifting.
So when Nate starts singing out 'you're always holding on to stars, I think they're better from afar' I fully understand the meaning behind that line in my own life. I always hold on to thoughts, feelings, ideas, pains, dreams, truths, memories. So when my expectations don't meet reality, it puts me at a dead-end. My Moldova trip was a firm example of expectations never coinciding with the reality.

That's where my blog posts come from, holding on to stars. My ideas and feelings and passions can escape in to thousands of words. But I'm learning that I can't hold on to everything. Not in reality. So that's where I give it to God.                                                          

So here starts my posts with a new name, a whole new identity.
No I'm just kidding...it's only a different blog name but you catch my drift.