Three Things

I tend to write blogs and get half way through the draft and give up. My points don't always link together or they start to drift off to another idea. I thought I'd do a blog with three things- three thoughts I've had this week. Three thoughts that involve a bit of everything I manage to store in my brain. Rachel Ford describes it as 'lying in bed after a long day' thoughts. The ones that stay in your heart, the ones with no great value and the ones that leave you hopeful.

Here are mine for this week-

1- After dedicating hours of my life over the summer to Big Brother, it has sadly but surely come to an end. Now I know many will judge me for this. I know. I'm sorry. But it will continue to have me gripped and fascinated at people's thoughts, behaviours and reactions. But as I watch each episode; I try to empathise. I actually pray. I pray for the people on the show. I ask God to fill them with his presence, with hope and with a sense of peace. I can't help but ponder over the types of characters that enter the show- the loud, unladylike Geordie girl. The opinionated middle aged woman. The football manager with a past. They all have their own story. But what baffles me is the audience's reaction to these people. They judge every move, every action and every story. The view point is 'they're being honest, they're telling it as it is...therefore I like them' but is that always the way to warm to someone? I can't help but question people's morals. They lose their temper and 'tell them how it is' and it ends up damaging the receiving end. And then I think- how sad that we live in a society where the drunken, over the top and 'out of the ordinary' behaviours are the ones that win the crown. Charlotte, the recently crowned winner actually proved a whole different side to her. She showed the public her kind heart. She knows she gets it wrong, but she carried on trying. I respected that. After these housemates leave and start their life again on the outside, I look at their twitter pages and see the hysteria of these teenagers that look up to these characters and dedicate their whole social networking sites to them. They make collages, send countless tweets about how they have 'saved their life'. I can't help but worry about the type of role models that appear on reality TV. What do they stand for? What do the people idolising them stand for? You look at the Olympics and you see people worldwide that have worked and trained and motivated themselves to compete. That's such a healthy role model. I know I sound about 70 but I'm ok with that. Its so easy for these young people to say 'that celebrity saved my life!' Without really knowing their heart and their life away from the camera. That celebrity has their own battles to face, flaws to work through. I know celebrities can do many wonderful things. I mean my love for Tay Swift grows stronger every day! But honestly, my role model is a man that took every flaw and battle to a wooden cross and died a horrific death for me. HE saved my life. In every way imaginable. And despite my own flaws and battles and mistakes- I hope with all my heart that I can be a role model to my children. That they walk each day proud of what they are and what they stand for. I hope Jesus's love shines through me and reflects in their hearts. 

2- After spending 3 weeks feeling very lost, low and out of routine, I have FINALLY began to find my feet now that I'm starting my gap year. I'm beginning to feel so much more settled without having a school to go to (for the first time since the age of 3!) I'm finally feeling a little bit more confident in the prospect of having a whole future or prepare and plan for. Jesus has already started opening little doors and people are showing such wonderful kindness. Friends from church and my old schools are suddenly showing such random acts of love and generosity. It's such a blessing to know that you are loved, accepted and never alone. I can hear Jesus's voice in my head saying; 'Get back up, stop moping and feeling sorry for yourself, we've got work to do!' How wonderful that he's never left my side.

3- Moldova is rapidly approaching. How terrifying. Today as I had 20 children running around me playing 'bull dog' (I helped lead one of our church Sunday schools today, you see!) It made my heart flutter at the thought of being surrounded by children a lot less fortunate that will feel so blessed to have our love and support and company. I hope God takes away my fear and just speaks the words through me. I hope they find his love in our company and our hospitality. I feel like such a failure. I say 'what is a girl like me going to do? Who am I to spread the amazing news of Jesus?' And then I remember the many other failures throughout time that God still loved unconditionally and gave them such an important and sacred job to do. I remembered my previous blog post 'Boundless' about God being able to 'use the failure but not the quitter.' He's a God so perfect and yet so trusting in us. In me and in my ability to do the one thing I try hardest at- following Jesus, following his word and being a witness to others.

Here's to another week of thoughts, moments and experiences.
Until next time...