1) Autumn is here and days are getting darker, nights are getting colder and the Christmas countdown has well and truly begun. I sat in James' car this week and played the one and only Michael Buble Christmas album at full blast, letting out ear piercing squeals between each line. Of course, when autumn starts, so does the change in my wardrobe. Each year I find myself enjoying odd styles. This year: colours. A dark purple scarf that James had bought me from France, a knitted, patterned jumper and a long, dark brown, woolly cardie my mum had picked up from a car boot sale (my mum being the queen of anything vintage/second hand/treasure related!) a pair of Joules wellies with ribbons and my favourite pair of jeans because I truly believe every woman should have their very own favourite, most treasured pair of jeans that suit most, if not all occasions. All of this being part of my daily wardrobe.
At this time of year, I found myself obsessing over: 'What is in fashion?' 'What will people find me pretty in?' 'What doesn't make me look stupidly skinny?' Now, the idea of looking a certain way doesn't cause me any great deal of stress. I'm so comfortable in who I am right now that the 15 year old me would hardly be able to recognise this behaviour! What's interesting is that my biggest insecurity leans more towards people's perception of me in other things- my blogs, my manners, my social skills, my intelligence. I ponder over; 'how well do I articulate myself?' as opposed to my physical appearance.
Slowly, I am finding myself reflecting on these insecurities and doubts that seem to be circling around my mind...I've chosen to place them in God's hands. My behaviour can only be challenged if I'm not using the Bible's advice as a reflection. If I'm being negative, I ask myself if Jesus would have that attitude. Am I showing Jesus through this behaviour? The beauty in that question is that it allows me to distinguish between the behaviour that hurts my soul and the behaviour that brings me closer to Jesus' grace. And every single time He does it again. He takes away each insecurity and replaces it with something far more valued: His love.
2) This week I went to see a wonderful movie called About Time with two old friends from school. Firstly, it was so lovely to be around not only people my age but people of the same gender for the first time in a long time. It's such a saddening realisation to me that leaving the school environment has meant I've very hastily left the 'school girl' behind. The movie starred the all-beautiful, all-famous Rachel Adams and Britain and Ireland's very own Domhanall Gleeson who plays a 21 year old tall, geeky, ginger boy. Without spoiling anything, the message in the film was how we should enjoy every second of every day; appreciating the few people in our lives that cause any sort of effect. The people that you can count on one hand, just enjoying every flaw, every laugh, every moment. This idea that even with the most simple life, there's always something to look at and examine every last moment. I've always been an over-thinker. But I truly, whole-heartedly believe that an over-thinker is a wonderful person to be. An over-thinker doesn't always get it right but my goodness the moment something bright happens, even just a two second sparkly moment, it morphs into a memory so printed onto your mind it never escapes. You soon learn the wonderful, beautiful, glorifying feeling of appreciation.
3) Since my gap year has started I've decided to find something challenging to do each week. This week I came across a children's book for Lent. The book gives you challenges to complete each day. From small things like: 'Tell someone you love them' to bigger acts like: 'donate food to a food bank' and 'visit an elder in a nursing home.' I flicked through and found some wonderful, thought provoking ideas. Ideas both for children and adults. So I did my research and discovered these 'random acts of kindness' lists that seem to go on and on with such simple yet effective ideas. So I wrote out a list and I aim to complete them as the weeks go on. I honestly believe that at the right time and the right place, it could do something so powerful. I've learnt that being a follower of Jesus isn't just about having a relationship with Him. It's the relationship you have with others that reflect Jesus. I know that isn't rocket science but it's so easy for any Christian, whether they are 10 or 80, to forget that. We're here to serve and sometimes serving can be done in the most simple but beautiful way.
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