2013

This year I feel like a whole rainbow of colours have been set on fire and morphed in to a stain glass window effect- that's how this year feels to me. Because every colour has been a mountain, a riddle, and a quest.

I've learnt that the finality of this life is so unpredictable that words can never be unsaid, that bitterness is to be forgotten. I've learnt that sometimes it's ok to stop and take a breath. That my health is to be treasured and valued, I've learnt where my boundaries are, what my body can cope with. I've learnt that things reach their expiry date. That change is ok. It's very ok. That wrapping my arms and legs around God is a wonderful comfort, but through this I've learnt to jump down, and walk hand in hand to become a team. I've learnt that life is very unjust, unrighteous and unexplained. I've learnt that words and actions have to walk side by side. That pain is a feeling that can fade. That having a vocation is a marathon, not a race. That rejection is a humbling gift. That appearance is a lie and a smile is sometimes all you need. I've learnt the beauty of children, unlocking a part of my soul. I've also learnt that an adults wisdom is a medicine. I've learnt about the less fortunate, the different cultures of the world. I've learnt that girls will be vicious, but Jesus will ease the sting. That church can be in wellie boots and wristbands, fancy frocks and sparkly shoes, harps and synths, organs and carols. Church is no longer a service but an army being trained. I've learnt that God has a humour. That responsibilities can't be left undone. That vulnerability is to be guarded. That innocence is to be cherished. I've learnt the desire I have to serve young people. The love I feel deeply for Shakespeare's work and a passion I've developed through my writing. I've learnt that expectations can't be met when they're not being outlined, that you're not always going to be liked. I've learnt about budgeting, priorities and the importance of honesty. That asking questions is ok. That God wraps you in provision. I've learnt that sometimes, if you're humble and not at all prepared, life is full of time-stopping, enchanting surprises. 

So through finishing sixth form, achieving a levels, being baptised, turning 18, passing my driving test, going to my first Christian festival, getting two jobs, starting a gap year, doing missionary work, directing a nativity, running a discipleship group, auditioning at drama schools, receiving two recalls. Through all of this I've seen myself grow, adapt and aspire. 

Thank you 2013 for teaching me what an instruction book never could. Thank you God for your almighty provision.