The Bench.

The definition of Déjà vu: 'From French, literally "already seen", is the phenomenon of having the strong sensation that an event or experience currently being experienced has been experienced in the past, whether it has actually happened or not.'

There was a bench that I sat on, two months ago, when feeling so lost and out of sync that I just needed to sit. So I sat on this bench, feeling like a complete weirdo- because who sits on benches these days just for the sake of it? Well that's probably a stupid question, but I just felt weird. No, I felt lost and I felt bitter- that's how I really felt at that moment in time. 

An old lady walks towards the bench I was sat on. She stops, pauses, and sits down next to me. 

In that blink of a moment I thought 'oh, here we go, one of those movie moments where she tells me something insightful and I start crying and my life makes sense again URGH.' 

No that didn't happen. 

She just sat next to me, let out a long sigh, and only our breath was to be heard. And just for a few minutes it was silent, but a silence that was peaceful. 'Calm before the storm' as it were.

Two months later, In a rush to my new job, I walked past that very same bench. And just like the first time, that very same old woman was sat on the bench, accept this time I wasn't next to her. There was an empty space next to her, almost as if I had disappeared from that moment.

So I stopped, and stared, (would like to point out it wasn't as creepy as it sounds) and for a short moment- it was just our breath to be heard. 

You know when I thought Jesus was about to plant an 'old lady giving wisdom' bomb on to my sadness that day? Well He did. But it took two months and 4 days to feel the impact.

It was literally like deja vu. It happened all over again.

How many times have I spent the past few weeks experiencing deja vu in so many random moments of the day?! I find it so strange and terrifying and magical all in one. 

This idea that you've already been in that moment, you've already experienced the sensations and the feelings, but suddenly it just disappears and you're back to the present. However, this time I was far from living in the past. 

Do you want to know the words I said to myself when I stopped and saw that old lady sat on the...no...my bench? 

I said 'look how much has changed.'

Suddenly whirls of realisation and stories began circling in my mind--

I got a new job, I did missionary work, I got my hair cut off, I was in charge of a christmas production, I found out what I wanted to do with my future, I gained experience, I learnt valuable lessons, I started auditioning, my life started changing.

My life went from nothing to everything in the space of two months and 4 days.

Imagine if that old woman knew how much had changed since that moment. Imagine if she knew she was a part of my story? Because just her presence was enough...it was enough to question my life, my future and what God is trying to teach me.

At the moment, everything is at 100 miles per hour each second of each day. I keep calling my gap year my 'learning about the real world' year because everyday I'm learning the harsh truths but also the glorious truths about the big wide world. 

Last month I had prayer for healing, healing emotionally and spiritually. 

And within hours, days, weeks, Jesus answered that prayer with a big fat YES. 

So I'll walk past that bench tomorrow, and next week, and next month, and next year.

I don't know whether I'll see that old lady again, but my challenge for next time is to talk to her, to befriend her, to tell her about the wonders Jesus has done and what He has taught me through her presence. 

Ps- the bench I'm sitting on in my photo wasn't actually the bench I'm talking about. But it is a pretty good bench. From my photoshoot with Paul Eaton- check out his website/blog: http://www.lighteternal.co.uk/alice/