It's been weeks and weeks until I last blogged. I've tried so hard to type and articulate my thoughts into sentences, just to find myself pressing the backspace button and closing my laptop.
This week is 24/7 prayer at my church, so I took an hour out of my hectic, 'what am I doing with my life?' moments to sit and give it to God.
I went into my prayer session feeling overwhelmed, lost, exhausted (currently about to put on the performance of Importance of Being Earnest starting this weekend, so feeling the 'thespian strain') and as I fell to the cross with all my baggage and burdens, I heard God speak over me:
'Come as you are'
So I came as I am. Not with all the answers, or the right attitude, or even the right thought process, but I came to Jesus. And in this blog post today, without any attempt of humour or a heavily worded essay, I speak out total honesty and truth.
'Come as you are'
The fact is, I've spent almost a year now living this 'gap year' and being taught things every day. I've had people come and go. I've had words of prophesy and life spoken over me, I've had wild and wonderful adventures, I've had tears, tantrums and laughter, I've made ridiculous decisions but also really wise ones.
But if I could say one thing that I've learnt through experiencing a year out? You don't have the answers, God doesn't hand things to you on a plate. You seek and you serve, you seek and you serve, until God is ready to show you and equipped you. Hopefully in the process you find your heart becomes more resilient to criticism and society. You start to learn that words aren't contracts, that people aren't 'all together', that life moves on, whether you want it to or not, that adulthood comes with a price, and that Jesus is your safest, strongest and most loyal companion.
So I come as I am.
I come as I am to all the areas of my life, and all the people in my life that learn from me, teach me, and love me. I come as I am with my smile and my strange obsession with keeping a diary, floral items and my overthinking. But I come as I am with the peace that who I am is enough.
So my encouragement to anyone who reads this is to do that too. Come as you are. Rejoice in the fact that you haven't got it all figured out, but you're doing a pretty good job at being you.
