2013

This year I feel like a whole rainbow of colours have been set on fire and morphed in to a stain glass window effect- that's how this year feels to me. Because every colour has been a mountain, a riddle, and a quest.

I've learnt that the finality of this life is so unpredictable that words can never be unsaid, that bitterness is to be forgotten. I've learnt that sometimes it's ok to stop and take a breath. That my health is to be treasured and valued, I've learnt where my boundaries are, what my body can cope with. I've learnt that things reach their expiry date. That change is ok. It's very ok. That wrapping my arms and legs around God is a wonderful comfort, but through this I've learnt to jump down, and walk hand in hand to become a team. I've learnt that life is very unjust, unrighteous and unexplained. I've learnt that words and actions have to walk side by side. That pain is a feeling that can fade. That having a vocation is a marathon, not a race. That rejection is a humbling gift. That appearance is a lie and a smile is sometimes all you need. I've learnt the beauty of children, unlocking a part of my soul. I've also learnt that an adults wisdom is a medicine. I've learnt about the less fortunate, the different cultures of the world. I've learnt that girls will be vicious, but Jesus will ease the sting. That church can be in wellie boots and wristbands, fancy frocks and sparkly shoes, harps and synths, organs and carols. Church is no longer a service but an army being trained. I've learnt that God has a humour. That responsibilities can't be left undone. That vulnerability is to be guarded. That innocence is to be cherished. I've learnt the desire I have to serve young people. The love I feel deeply for Shakespeare's work and a passion I've developed through my writing. I've learnt that expectations can't be met when they're not being outlined, that you're not always going to be liked. I've learnt about budgeting, priorities and the importance of honesty. That asking questions is ok. That God wraps you in provision. I've learnt that sometimes, if you're humble and not at all prepared, life is full of time-stopping, enchanting surprises. 

So through finishing sixth form, achieving a levels, being baptised, turning 18, passing my driving test, going to my first Christian festival, getting two jobs, starting a gap year, doing missionary work, directing a nativity, running a discipleship group, auditioning at drama schools, receiving two recalls. Through all of this I've seen myself grow, adapt and aspire. 

Thank you 2013 for teaching me what an instruction book never could. Thank you God for your almighty provision.

CHRISTmas Vs Christmas.

I never used to be bothered about the fact people celebrated Christmas for all the commercial reasons. I think I just thought 'well if Sundays are no longer important, if Easter is not much of a big deal, if nothing our Christianity promotes is being accepted- atleast ONE thing is being celebrated' a good thing. A birth of the worlds greatest superman.

Sometimes I chuckle to myself (well I do that a lot actually...particularly at my own jokes) because I think 'HA you hate Jesus but you celebrate Christmas suckeerrrrr' but of course I say this with a humble and gracious heart...

It wasn't until I stumbled upon a non-Christian friend's tweet saying 'Christmas isn't even a religious thing anymore, what's the point of going to church on Christmas Day anyway?!' It was a bitter-sweet statement to read.

 1) yes, it is still a 'thing' and a very important thing to Christians world wide. It's something we delight in because finally the most powerful, boundless light took out all this darkness.

2) it's not religion it's RELATIONSHIP. The amount of times I say this, rolling my eyes, like an angsty teenager. 

For me anyway, it's no longer hymn books, dog collars and silence. The church is becoming new, modern and exciting. The old is getting dusted, polished and re-evaluated. I was saddened to know that a Christian friend of mine kneeled at the alter for communion, only to be turned away because he wasn't of that 'denomination'. Now please don't get me wrong, I love an old fashioned service as much as the next person, I'm certainly not condemning the different denominations of faith. But I can't help but ask- What are we trying to achieve when turning people away from Christ?! Do we honestly want these non-believers, who only know the stereotypes of our so called 'religion', to one day kneel at an alter and be turned away. Isn't that the most damaging approach to Christianity? Didn't Jesus say that He loves everyone, He shares His body and blood for everyone, He died to save everyone?

If we look at the WWJD question- would he honestly turn someone away from sharing his body and blood because of the type of church they go too?! I'm filled with such a burning desire to see churches stand up and be noticed. For these outreach programs to start changing nations. A church very close to mine has absolutely flourished through their work with the homeless and addicts. Lives are suddenly not just being saved, but evil is being ripped out their souls, their hearts and their lifestyle.

So that leads me to point 3) I hate to admit it, but actually my friend is right- why should they go to a church service with no belief in Jesus, in his existence and purely for the 'sake of it'? To feel 'christmassy?' If people like my friend are seeing Christianity through these old and dull stereotypes, why should they sit through 2 hours of it?

 It's a wonderful opportunity for churches to take note and start inspiring, changing some lives, welcoming the holy spirit to pour out in to the four walls and more. Now I don't mean to be biased (cough cough) but my church, I believe, does a wonderful job of that. I was moved to tears at just a simple (but detailed) shadow puppet display about the story of Jesus' birth.
I enjoy my church so much because of what it does to my heart. Because I can sit in whatever service or event and feel moved. I can ask for prayer and feel accepted.

I want to see the church stereotypes move away from the yawning and boredom and start moving towards this powerful force that can't help but take over people.
Our youth pastor said to me recently 'and then I'll finish with- 'if some of you here don't know Jesus and you'd like to, please come up for some prayer'...I always seem to throw that in my teachings recently' and what an amazing statement to casually 'throw in' to a sermon. Because suddenly people are being challenged... a vital part of following Jesus; being challenged.

Since going 'independently' in my faith these past 2 years I've seen Christianity in a whole new light. It's about following Jesus, living for Jesus and working alongside Jesus. Suddenly the walls were being smashed down around me (a bit like a Miley Cyrus video- minus the inappropriate nudity!') and my world was being changed. I no longer saw Christianity as all these rules, facts and figures. I started to feel a force inside me, a spirit far from any fear or destruction. It started to change me and move me and inspire me. And the complete opposite to everything I thought 'religion' was- I started to feel this freedom. What a beautiful feeling as tears rushed down my cheeks and my chains began to break.

So my prayer this Christmas is that lives will be moved, that Jesus' birth will not be forgotten but delighted in. My prayer is that my non-Christian friends will never feel as though Christianity is something that turns them away because of any sin, sexuality or lifestyle. Jesus is the most precious, most beautiful and most powerful person to believe in.
 And once you find him, your life will never be the same...

Merry Christmas beautiful friends, family and lovely strangers.

A xx

Mirror Mirror

I've been noticing recently the obsession of 'image' that's being shoved in our faces in every possible direction.

The main news story being about Amy Willerton. The most beautiful woman alive. Who dared to strip down to a bikini in a scorching hot jungle. Of course she took one step on to the I'm A Celeb set and it was all guns blazing. Can it be that an attractive, flawless woman is also well spoken, intelligent and kind hearted?

So thus began the hate campaign.

Lucy Pargeter being the main ring leader, accusing the 21 year old of being a 'piece of meat' due to her career of beauty pageants and modelling competitions. How interesting that the Emmerdale star has been snapped in lingerie for lads mags and calenders. But we won't go in to that. The point of this being that a handful of those 'celebrities' all with partners, children and a past, chose to complain, bitch and whisper about a girl who's only downfall (or not so downfall) is her beauty. And the irony being that the message they were wanting to put across was 'girls shouldn't be judged on their appearance' and sure enough, through making their thesis, the 21 year old model was too being judged on her appearance.

What a flawed society. We are forever being spoon-fed the ideas that women are no longer judged or mistreated on weight and appearance, and yet through this strong campaign, the girls, like myself, who are naturally very skinny get thrown in to the fire.

I work in an industry (a fashion store) that uses clothes as a way of covering up, enhancing, uplifting, and matching a woman's figure and general appearance. I see my role as an encourager to every woman, young or old, that needs advice on what helps them to feel comfortable and beautiful. Mirrors are at every angle so that women can see every angle of their representation to the world. Now some may disagree with this- but I see such a healthy and natural approach these clothes stores are introducing. They're allowing women to feel beautiful. They are 'entertaining' every age, height, weight and style. Because not once do I serve a customer that doesn't have a lit up face at the thought of wearing and modelling their chosen item of clothing.

They say- 'you should wear the outfit, don't let the outfit wear you' and it's a saying I regularly go by. I won't turn up to a party in high heels (high and sharp enough to defend myself from a rapist) and a short, tight, strapless dress, because I wouldn't feel comfortable nor beautiful in that. I wear dresses with ribbons and collars and dolly shoes with sparkle; that's what I feel my most 'Alice' in. My family are regularly laughed at for all having matching tweed blazers- because we all completely delight in that look.

Another thing taking the nation/world by storm is Beyonce and her fierce, crazy, flawless visual album that has sold quicker than any other record of a modern 'pop star'. The artist subtly dropped an album in to itunes this week, and BAM within seconds, there it was for all to see. Her own intakes and visions of what her songs mean to her. She describes her album as her 'visual masterpiece' and says that people should enjoy an album for an album, not just one song they particularly like. That was great. I was so excited to watch the videos. So I sat and watched them, from 1 to 100000. But what I couldn't help noticing is her constant bare butt cheeks in every video. And as she dances around a poll to a fully clothed man (who I believe is Jay Z?) I ask myself where the originality is? Where is the line? Doesn't she contradict her entire moto that women are strong, independent and beautiful? Why does being naked even have to be included in any modern music video?

But that's neither here nor there.

I just feel we are forever having our heads shoved in to the puddle of 'beauty' 'image' and 'self-portrayal'. I love a good 'selfie' as much as the next person, but I like it because of the memories, colours, moods and moments it captures. The moment I start worrying about a mark on my face or a gap in my fringe is the moment I start putting appearance first.

I can't help but feel a protection over women that still see image as the centre of their problems...and myself included! My insecurities have seemed to have rocketed these past few weeks. Spots are becoming more of a dilemma, my outfits are becoming more of a burden. More and more I'm falling in to the well-known trap of 'am I beautiful?' 'What makes me beautiful?' 'What is beautiful?'

I think the moment you start feeling comfortable in yourself, is when you start feeling comfortable about your mistakes, about your past, about your future. So maybe image is important. Yes it important, and a new hair do or a new dress is certainly something to delight in. But it's important to appreciate, to feel a sense of peace, to accept.

I think the real answer to my blog is summed up in just two lines.
The Bible will go until the end of time with a statement so profound, powerful and wise-

'I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. I know that full well.'

'with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child'

Writers block doesn't even begin to describe what I'm going through at this moment in time. It's literally like there is a wall in between my keyboard and my brain. How frustrating!

So first things first- my nativity happened last Sunday and it was the most heart-warming, wonderful and insanely cute performance to ever take place in the history of ever. My children were shining stars as they told the story of the best and most brightest star of all- Jesus. And as their little voices echoed in to a beautiful lullaby about the saviour of the world being born, the tears began to flow. I truly believe that the innocence of a child is enough to cause such a powerful, boundless and world changing spiritual reaction. So when someone told me that a woman was so moved to tears and felt such a connection with God through that performance, it brings to life what I believe.

Thank you to my church for allowing me to be such a small but wonderful part of the Christmas story. I'll forever be touched.

Here are some snaps of the festive season in Alice Goble land-

This week I went to London (Fundon) for some drama school auditions. I am thrilled to say that I got a RECALL for the new year. Thank you Jesus!

The start of advent meant the start of the advent candle

It took us 14 days in to December; but we finally got around to putting the decs up!

The most glorious church in London. I was overwhelmed seeing so many homeless people sleeping on every pew in the church. The house of the Lord can be used in so many powerful ways.

The advent service at Salisbury Cathedral. So. Many. Lights. So. Beautiful. Help.

My Christmas wrapping has only just begun. 

The finished masterpiece of our Christmas decorations.

I wanted to write some meaningful and poetic blog about this, but I think it just speaks for itself. My sister sent me something that caused a beautiful reaction- the feeling of being understood. I've never read anything that is so close to my heart and my livelihood as these few sentences-

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn…
Veronica A. Shoffstall

Thank you, Veronica for writing exactly what my heart was feeling.

God bless you all at this magical and reflective time of year.

Alice's Top 8 Drama Tips

This is my headshot for drama school. It took 10 minutes to get me to stop smiling.

'Hi I'm Alice, I love drama and performing. Shakespeare is my favourite, I'm really clumsy and yes, my hair is naturally this bright' this tends to be the sentence I repeat again and again when told to 'introduce myself and say a little bit about what I do/what I like'

For 10 years, my eyes have lit up for one thing and one thing only- drama. I love the stage. I love to perform. I love to be another character. I love to tell stories.

Here is a little snippet of my essay for drama schools:
'I'm a lover of stories. I love hearing stories, telling stories and even creating stories. I
sometimes wish my life was a story, and in my mind I like to believe that it is. Through the
realities of work and busy lives I fear that people can start to lose sight of the wonder of
stories and the magic and release they can bring. Acting to me is one big story. You get to
tell a tale through being someone you're not, a whole different character, perhaps with
different physical features, different morals and a different way of living. That's what
performing is to me. It's allowing every audience member to step out of their own world and
enter in to another and in doing so hopefully allowing each audience member to be moved in
some way.' - Alice Goble, Sep 2013.

I've never had a quote before so I like to think this is my one and only quote to sum up why I love what I do.

The thing about drama is that it's not just a highly competitive, difficult, hyped up, generalised industry (need I go on?...) It's a lifestyle. A challenge. A way of living.
Isn't that the definition of lifestyle? A way of living.
The habits, attitudes, tastes, moral standards etc., that together constitutes the mode of living of an individual.
So not only do you have to use all of the above for the character you are playing (like good old Stanivslaski has taught us) but you also have to use all of the above for your own development as an actor.

My heart fell to the core of the earth when I got rejected from not one, not two, not three but four drama schools last year. And with each rejection letter and 'we wish you all the best in the future' being shoved through my letter box, my heart shattered more and more. And when I finally got to the final round, competing against the chosen 400 other budding-thespians to get one of the 28 spaces on the course, that final rejection was the cut off point.
It's taken me approximately 8 months, 5 hours and 21 minutes to finally get up, chin up and dust myself off. It's the most devastating moment when all that you are is just not good enough for all that you want. Wow, what a sentence. I can't put it any better or any simpler than that.
So, I've done myself a list, a list of things to always have in my back pocket whenever acting becomes the most wonderful and most tragic part of my future. It's their to remind me of why I'm doing this.
I've called it:

Alice's Top 8 Drama Tips

1. If I feel a sudden release of thousands of butterflies in my stomach whenever I watch any sort of performance; it shows I'm exactly where I should be.
2. rejection is ok. It happens. It will forever happen. 9 out of 10 times it will be rejection. The more the merrier I say! Get up, get out and get positive. 
3. get all experience I can possibly grab. Every opportunity must be grabbed with both hands.
4. when I hear a voice in my head saying 'I could do that' please believe it. It's a little thing called 'self belief' and it doesn't always mean your head can't suddenly fit through the door.
5. explore all plays, genres, eras, films, tv dramas and practitioners.
6. research all possible drama routes e.g. drama schools, youth theatre's, companies, degrees, Christian drama companies, theatre in education etc. 
7. PREPARE, PREPARE, PREPARE. The amount of times my ex drama teachers have drilled that in to my mind. Preparation is key. What is it they say? Preparation is the cure for pre-audition nerves.
8. enjoy it. If God has given me a gift- excel in it, embrace it and live for it.

My list will probably get to 100 throughout my career in performing. But right now these few golden points that I've learnt in the past year will keep me grounded and on the ball throughout this stressful, 'what do I want to do with my life', time. 

I'm also a sucker for lists. Lists are good.

Auditions start the beginning of next week and round one will continue until the end of January. Prayers please. I certainly do need them.

Over and out,

A x

Advent

Start the trumpets,

A sky so thick with darkness that the chill has it's own life.

Start the trumpets,

Suddenly it's time. 

A flicker, so blinding, so earth-shaking and mind-blowing, my deepest delight.

A ray of light breaks through, it loses the urge, loses the chains, it stars to unleash.

A light so blinding, so boundless, that evil starts to decease.

Its safety is so magnificent and yet my soul begins to shake.

Something so wild yet so controlled is about to enter the shadows of our very core.

And as each vessel is filled with a spark so luminous it burns away my bitterness, all evil is shunned away, all darkness has gone astray. 

A lullaby of a cry sings through my soul, and lights up my eyes.

This light beams from something so tender and frail, and yet its presence causes my soul to excel.

Angels start to sing, they rejoice in a saviour.

For this saviour is magnificent, wondrous and sent from my creator.