When I was 4, like most children, I had my first day of school. I don't remember much other than the feeling of overwhelmingness as my mum reluctantly let go of my hand and I was forced to have a daily 'structure'
My last day of school was actually very similar. That overwhelmingness came back at the thought that my life was only just beginning. At the thought of today being my last day at this place. At the thought of 13 years being completed. I think the thing that struck me the most was the thought that I entered this college not knowing who I was and I left finding out things I never thought I'd become.
This process has taught me one thing I'll forever explore- patience.
I don't know why this word has circled around my heart...maybe it's patience to grow a thicker skin. These past two years have just destroyed any self esteem I may of had but it's also made me more determined, prepared.
It could be patience with the type of characters I was forced to work with and grow with. So many that clashed and collided and left me on the firing line. Maybe it's the patience to wait my turn, the patience for when I want something I really desire, the patience for when I want any sort of justice.
I can't sit here and say that this college has left me bruised. It's actually been the biggest and most wonderful adventure I've ever in countered. But like most adventures or experiences; I've left feeling somewhat reflective about whether I chose the right moments to speak, whether I showed God enough through who I was. Did I speak before thinking or feel exasperated at the most minor thing? I guess this is the first challenge you face at the start of your adulthood. Reflection, regret.
Maybe God has put the word 'patience' on my heart for all those reasons I listed and more. In fact, maybe God wants me to be patient in order to find out why he's made this word so fascinating.
I just couldn't help but take my final bow at the end of my final school performance and think- 'I could be anything I want to be'
because of every memory I have of a fall out, a nasty comment, a vicious look, a girl that doesn't particularly like me, the feeling of being nothing. Maybe that's what fuels me to go on and shine.
Who's to say the future can't be whatever I want it to be?
I hope, with all my heart, I can make my 4 year old, 11 year old, 15 year old self proud at the person I'll become. Because those girls went through battles to get me to where I am right now; an 18 year old just starting her gap year with no clue what the next year will bring. But
maybe that's quite a magical concept.
So I'll take the concept of patience and try to place it into every situation I face. I'll also take this determination and make something big with it.
Saying goodbye is never easy, but sometimes, when you look beyond the memories and regrets, it can be the most enchanting thing you'll ever do.
