“In the end that was the choice you made, and it doesn't matter how hard it was to make it. It matters that you did.”
This clip if from a film called 'Sliding Doors':
I was shown this at the start of my secondary school journey and it's stuck with me ever since.
See, if that woman had managed to catch the tube she would've walked in on her boyfriend having an affair with his ex girlfriend. If that parent hadn't moved their daughter out of the woman's way, she would've missed the tube and therefore missed seeing another woman with her boyfriend.
That's what life is, you have the power to choose what destination you take.
I like to think my life is like that, showing two alternative endings.
Every decision I make comes with a consequence, an action to follow.
I remember running to catch the tube, completely on my own, after an audition. I had been rejected from this drama school and was only told just minutes before that I 'wasn't through to the second round but good luck in your future auditions'
(story of my life!)
I phoned my mum in a rage quoting some of these phrases 'I hate acting, why couldn't I have been a doctor, clearly i'm not good enough, London sucks' etc.
but for the first time in my life I did it on my own.
I caught the tube.
And as I ran from the entrance, down the stairs and to the doors I flash backed to the 'Sliding Doors' clip.
I watched the tube pull away, I saw my glum reflection in the window opposite me and for a moment I just thought back to stages in my life where I had to make my own choices.
Drama School
Going to drama school isn't an easy decision to make. But from the age of 8 it was something I was ready to do. Acting was the career I had chosen for myself, something that forced me to go all wide eyed and wonder struck at the thought of the stage and story telling.
And as every rejection fell into my lap from the 29th November 2012 to now I just had to brush myself down and keep going.
That was MY choice to go through this and it was GOD's choice to give me the rejections.
My Baptism
My second choice was to go to a sixth form lunch full of Christian teenagers. I had to decide whether or not to put on a nice dress, grab a bottle of Coke and spend my afternoon in the company of strangers..
If I had decided to maybe stay in bed that day, finish some homework, spend that Sunday with my parents then I wouldn't of met my boyfriend, I wouldn't of been invited to an Easter Sunday service, I wouldn't have made Jesus the light in my life and therefore I wouldn't have been preparing to be Baptised in just 3 weeks time.
You don't know when you are faced with a choice, a choice that could effectively change everything. But God gave me this free will to in order to make those choices.
What a wonderful blessing in disguise because through every decision it will ALWAYS lead me back to his loving arms.
“In the end that was the choice you made, and it doesn't matter how hard it was to make it. It matters that you did.”
And there it was, as the tube nearly reached my destination I managed to smile to my reflection in the opposite window.
Because I did it on my own and the step I took was a big and fearless step to take.
I thank God everyday that he gives me this ability to choose. He will always have the final choice, but as everyday comes and my journey begins as an adult i'm prepared to make the most sensible and most perfect choice, a path that will constantly have Jesus's light shining right to the end and have him forever walking beside me.
